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Stinky Stuff

Remember that fabulous scene in Grumpy Old Men where Grump I throws raw fish in Grump II’s honeymoon getaway car? I love that scene. It has me roaring with laughter every time.

My best friend Lee is a very unconventional thinker. When most people hear someone say, “I’m getting married,” they get excited and express congratulations. Lee, on the other hand, pointedly asks, “Why?” in a very concerned manner. She embarrassed me and stopped me in my tracks the first time I heard her say it. And the second, and the third. Why on earth would she say that? Does she not realize that getting married is what people do? That we must continue the species?

I recently read a blog that reminded of her answer. The blog read like an advice column for people who go from relationship to relationship. It recommended finding healing before moving on to the next gig. At heart I completely agree with that. After all, we want relationships to work, don’t we? We don’t want to make the same mistakes if we can avoid it.

That said, I read it through Lee’s eyes and asked myself, “Why?”

Why move from relationship to relationship? Have we been sold a bill of cultural goods that we must be married or in a relationship to be fulfilled? Must we have someone in order to be complete? Single-hood is deemed anathema. So we settle or swiftly move from one person to another, we believe or hope the next one will work out, not realizing we have raw fish in the honeymoon getaway car that will soon have us tearing up with disdain.

I’m not against marriage or intimate relationships. I am positing that there is another way.

What’s wrong with being single? Admittedly, few  are contentedly single. I’m blessed to have many people in my life, young or up in years, who are single and living lives that are not consumed with “hooking up.” Some have never been married. Others are separated, divorced, or widowed. They are a wonderful breath of fresh air. They relish their independence and lifestyles to the full. Many of them are the envy of married people.

After being in multiple failed relationships, a friend honestly said to me, “My picker is broken.” Not only did she realize she had difficulty picking compatible, healthy mates; she also recognized she was a difficult person in general, and probably made a lousy mate herself. She was in relationships to get her own needs met but not very interested in meeting other peoples’ needs.

So next time you or someone else are titipated (not a real word) about nuptial intentions, take a deep breath (smell the fish?), think like Lee and ask, “Why?”

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/fish/

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8 thoughts on “Stinky Stuff

  1. I LOVE this post! As someone who married at 21 for all the wrong reasons and had to bail out a week before my 3rd Anniversary (abuse), and has been content AND happy in my solitary life with Jesus–I say people need to think long, hard and seriously before marrying. I had expected the romantic dream, and my trust was broken never to be repaired; but honestly, I think God gifted me to be single–I never, seriously NEVER feel lonely. I enjoy my own company, and the growing intimacy with the Lord, and I keep busy with my writing and myriad interests. It’s time the stigma of being “single” was dropped–there’s nothing inherently “wrong” with being single, and St Paul was all for it, so… Thanks for letting me share–God bless you abundantly!!

    1. you make me want to dance for joy. I love your jubilant spirit. All the “happily singles” I know are delightful sisters who are so smitten with Jesus and living life with so much gusto they wouldn’t have a minute for anything less. And yes, I do love pragmatic Paul’s take on it. Lee is much like him. God bless you dear.

      1. It is such a joyful blessing to “meet” you here on the blogs, Hannah! I confess I’m not a big fan of Paul–he gets on my nerves sometimes–but I really think he’s got something, on the subject of marriage 🙂 And I am striving to be more “teachable”, so maybe I won’t be so defensive about his teachings (or maybe it’s his attitude) one day 🙂 Don’t you love the process of growing and maturing? I used to hate it, but it gets more exciting, the older I get–and 64 feels pretty young most days 🙂 🙂 Big Blessings ❤ ❤ ❤

  2. As a confirmed, happy single woman, I loved ‘Stinky Stuff.’ That I highly value my independence is the main reason. I’m accountable to my Lord God. He takes care of me. Without a husband to concern myself with, I can devote my time and attentions to my friends, students, and the adventures that God has planned for me!

  3. I say “Amen” to what you have written here!! I am single and happy, and every year I fall more in love with my True Husband, Jesus, and become more content. Thanks for writing about us single women of God.!!

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